I’m noticing so many new notes and sounds and new elements in all of the music I’ve been listening to for ages… I notice everything and I appreciate music so much more than I used to these past few months. I love this.
Oh, by the way, I’m going to stop doing the daily “write letters to people” thing because it was begining to turn into a sob story about some asshole in my life who probably wont be there anymore and therefore can’t cause me any more drama.
So enjoy my tumblr, finally, cause I’d like to keep it as drama free as I can. :)
By the way, I feel so much better. Honestly. The last time I felt as light and happy as this was way back in like, August through Mid November. I like this.
Well, this all seems so new. And I’m not entirely sure if I like it.
That place was a nightmare, it really was. Rules that I’m giving all of you? Don’t ever touch or look at yourself in a way that is harmful. Don’t trust adults, don’t have any feelings at all, and the most important rule: dont ever. ever. get emotionally attached with people. You’ll end up like me in the long run.
I don’t want to remember these last 4 days.
It was a nice jail essentially.
I want to sleep, I want to start over, so I think I’m going to do that.
Day 1 - My favorite song changes every day and at the moment I don’t really like listening to music anymore because my mind is elsewhere, but… I did listen to Underoath again today and 2 songs are in my head right now. The Impact of Reason and I’m Content With Losing. I love the sound of The Impact of Reason and, unfortunately, it brings me back to mid-December when this kid talked to me every day and I was genuinely happy. And today after the little screaming emotional fest I had, I just kept hearing in my head I’m Content With Losing and the quote “Acceptance is what holds us here, and you my dear are the one that I fear tonight.” and the whole song just kinda matches my situation… Go Underoath.
Day 2 - My favorite movie is a toss up, at the moment, between The Silence of the Lambs and Panic Room. I love Jodie Foster, I think shes a fantastic actress and both of these movies features her as the main character. I think Anthony Hopkins plays his part of Hannibal Lecter amazingly despite his short amount of screen-time. But Kristen Stewart was actually good in Panic Room… So again, it’s a toss up between these two movies.
Day 3 - I really do love Law and Order, I think it’s a great TV show. But not just any Law and Order, I like Law and Order: SVU a lot more than Criminal Intent or the original, mostly because theres more emotional drama going on rather than courtroom drama… Strange considering that I’m so fed up with emotional drama right now that I like watching shows with it.
Day 4 - I love a lot of different books… so picking just one is kinda hard, so I’m not gonna bother with this one because I would have to write about all of them and thats a lot of books.
Day 5 - My favorite quote changes all the time, daily, maybe even hourly, and usually it comes from lyrics. Uh, I can’t answer this one honestly either…
Day 25 - Good. Today is the 26th, not the 25th. Well, Emily was in a very “cuddly” mood so we were laying on Chris’s couch watching Shutter Island, though I wasn’t watching it, I was thinking. Then somehow I ended up with a pillow laying on her and it was so cozy… and I wished she was someone else who I discuss on here quite a bit… and she was playing with my hair and making me feel like I actually mattered and I fell asleep. I remember having a strange dream and this person I talk about a lot on here was in it, then I woke up and rolled over and felt positively miserable. Emily then wanted to go home, so I found a receipt on the floor and wrote a note to Chris telling him I was walking her home and tucked it under a pillow on top of him so he’d find it when he woke up. We walked home and it was kinda chilly out. We started talking about how we’re not kids anymore and we’re changing and growing up and doing a whole bunch of stuff and I said how this year, a lot of people are gonna change, then she talked about stuff going on in her life and I listened cause I like to listen. We arrived at her house and I departed and walked along the beach and looked at the moon and thought about what I always think about when I’m alone nowadays. I walked by the boardwalk thing on the beach and had an urge to go on it and jump in… but I didn’t and I kept on walking. I ran as I was on a really dark street, not because it was dark, but because I wanted to run. I came across the beach again and started walking, had a few memories here, and I found a bench and sat down for 20 or so minutes, just thinking and talking to myself and I took a picture of the moon. Then I got up and started walking but I was at the beach where I had a lot of good times and I knew that they were never gonna happen again and I started running back to Chris’s house. I cut through a back entrance to a restaurant and saw some car blasting loud music and they slowed down next to me and I thought someone was gonna shoot me or something. But it was just Chris’s neighbor and I went inside and Chris was still up. I said I was gonna go to sleep and he said he was going upstairs. So he went upstairs and I pulled my laptop out of my bag and started coming on here to blog and go on facebook even though I disabled my account… Stupid temptations. I read a survey of this kid I like to talk about and felt sick to my stomach, I tried talking to Emily but… :/. I answered some jackass on formspring and I enjoy assholes on that website… Then I started doing this. My battey was running low so I got out my charger and used my phone to find a plug. One plug didn’t work, so I put my phone down and found another. Then I lost my phone and I couldn’t find it anywhere, legit, it was gone. I searched for 10 minutes and then I found it under a pillow. Then I started on this really long ass summary of my day so far. Imagine if this was a whole day I was writing about and not the happenings of 3 hours… Oh god..en.
Day 26 - My week… in great detail? That’ll be the length of a book, so I’m just gonna summarize it. No, nevermind…. Sunday- feeling miserable after being told to move cause I was happy for once and then it ended. Took a walk to the beach, came back, and wrote in my journal before falling asleep… Wake up and youre there and blah. Felt miserable that whole entire day. Monday- Take my last finals of the year, Spanish and English, and do C- work on Spanish and get an F on my English, the only reason being I didn’t read The Odyssey and half of the questions were identifying quotes said by characters… After the final I go to Emily Palm’s and hang out with people, fall asleep after watching Wall-E, go home, get air conditioner installed, and I blog a whole lot. Tuesday- Wake up and you talk to me and tell me about her and I freak out on you and things probably wont be the same after today… Freaking out, freaking out… I go to Chris’s house and we hang out while I’m busy in my thoughts, thinking, like usual, then we watch The Silence of the Lambs and go to the mall and hang out, meanwhile I’m spilling 1/4 of the story to you and probably fucking up our friendship. Come home and theres a massive storm and it’s cool. Uh… Wednesday- Wake up in the morning with plans on going to Pops restaurant with Lea, Nicole, Dom, and Rob, so I set out on walking there. I’m a bit early so I walk around some more, admiring my new shoes, haha. 11:00 comes and they’re gonna be a bit late so I go to Dunkin’ Donuts and get a vanilla bean Coolada, which is a rip off of Starbucks’s AMAZING frappuccino, so I overload it with sugar to make it taste relatively good. Wait some more and they arrive and we eat, I feel sick to my stomach so I don’t eat it all. Went to Lea’s afterwards and went swimming, walked to Emily Palm’s house and on my way up the street you were there watering the grass and you didnt say a fucking thing. Uh. Okay. So at Emily’s and shes not gonna be home for a while, so I walk near the beach and text Ryan Westmoreland and then go to the park near Emily’s house and some 21 year old girl comes and swings with me and we just talk about Milford and I discover she’s a Jesus freak. Okay. I depart and go to Emily’s and they’re all there. I talk to you a little. We all hang out and then I leave again to go to Adam’s Plaza to meet Lea and friends to go to Wendy’s for my first time. We go there and I eat with Lea, Katie, and Maddie. I go home and the rest of the night is a blur. Thursday- Expect to have a bad day, and I do. Make plans to go swimming. Huge storm… My father comes home early and begins to scream at Kirby for no good reason, his friend comes and I hear something being thrown and determine that they were throwing something at the dog because he did nothing. What the fuck. Then I have to go outside and get Kirby because he’s too afraid to come inside. Screaming, screaming, I get fed up and go to Calf Pen. I talk to Emily Chiarelli and Cat comes and we hang out a little and eat berries, and then we go to Floras pool, you come along and already my day seems more depressive, so I stop talking. We all go swimming, Emily, Summer, Maddie, and Chris show up, we swim and have a relatively good time, things are just so different between us now, I hate it. We go to Flora’s and everyone leaves after a short wile, me and Chris go to Rita’s italian ice shop with his mom and younger sibling and her friend, we go back to my place and watch some TV but Chris goes home. I go on tumblr when he leaves and find a nice little quote that confirms my beliefs and I lose it and talk to you and begin to have an emotional meltdown. Friday- well, wake up, take a shower, feel miserable, blah blah blah, father comes home early and is cool at first but then something happens. Massive scream fest and I get so scared and he doesn’t understand… My mother is called and told to come home early and I break down. Our family’s getting torn apart. Ugh. I etxplain to her some stuff, and now things are just really awkward between all of us. I get a haircut, and I go off to Emily Palms house again, we go to Chris’s, and that leads you to my previous post about today. Whew.
Day 27 - I can’t do great detail again, so I’m gonna summarize it in a nice paragraph. June, you were good at first, but youre supposed to get better as the month draws to a close because of summer vacation, not get worse, but it’s me and my luck so you do get worse. Wonderful.
Day 28 - Again. Not great detail. January- You were good, for the most part, no problems or anything. A bit of drama, yes, but at least I’m feeling happy for once. February- I begin to realize stuff… have to break something off with someone and this drama continues to this day, and I’m still feeling happy. I guess. For the most part. March- Things start to change, have a party… mood begins to get progressively worse, my grades start to slip, and my mother freaks out and gives me the cold shoulder for a day because of this. Wonderful. April- Mood goes down even more and I just begin to not care about anything anymore. I just want what I used to have back. I begin to come to terms with what I realized in February. I lose you, and I lose a family member, and I feel so low… I explain to a few people just to get what’s on my mind out and it helps. May- Good start, and a good month overall. I enjoyed May because things just seemed good. I wish this month came back. June- Again, you were a fail.
Day 29 - Get better and over this stupid fucking wall that I’m stuck at.
My names William, call me Will, Sir, whatever you want.
My age doesn’t matter, as I feel like a seven year old one day and a twenty year old the next. So how old am I? It’s your call. Welcome to the blog, I post a good mix of things here, though I sometimes spam people with text posts, I enjoy the occasional GPOY, and I would love to post all day about my passion for Lady Gaga, Hayley Williams, My Chemical Romance, and the male body, but I like variety.
I like guys and girls so YUP.
I don’t like people who follow back for the sake of following back. Why do I follow back all the time, then? Because… I enjoy so many things, I’m certain that I’ll find something I’d like on your blog. And I like to have an active dashboard so…. I follow back because I like you and your blog, not for the sake of it.
I appreciate all my followers. Every one of you, who find me interesting, that’s such a confidence boost, you have no idea. Thank you, you’re all the sexiest motherfuckers on earth, I’m glad you joined my crew.
I’d love to become an internet personality one day. Getting there, slowly. But, hey, slow and steady wins the race.
So, now that you’ve met William Wonka, somwhat.
You’ll never forget William Wonka.
Hit up the ask box, I respond to everything. Unless it’s spam.
Day 1 - Your favorite song. Day 2 - Your favorite movie. Day 3 - Your favorite television program. Day 4 - Your favorite book. Day 5 - Your favorite quote. Day 6 - Whatever tickles your fancy. Day 7 - A photo that makes you happy. Day 8 - A photo that makes you angry/sad. Day 9 - A photo you took. Day 10 - A photo of you taken over ten years ago. Day 11 - A photo of you taken recently. Day 12 - Whatever tickles your fancy. Day 13 - A fictional book. Day 14 - A non-ficional book. Day 15 - A fanfic. Day 16 - A song that makes you cry. Day 17 - An art piece. Day 18 - Whatever tickles your fancy. Day 19 - A talent of yours. Day 20 - A hobby of yours. Day 21 - A recipe. Day 22 - A website. Day 23 - A YouTube video. Day 24 - Whatever tickles your fancy. Day 25 - Your day, in great detail. Day 26 - Your week, in great detail. Day 27 - This month, in great detail. Day 28 - This year, in great detail. Day 29 - Hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days. Day 30 - Whatever tickles your fancy.
I’m gonna do this all in one day, one hour really. Ready, go.
…why the hell do I talk to you through here and hope that you actually notice and say something to me to make it easier? I’ll bet you dont give a fuck about what I say here or about me or anything because I’m me and I don’t matter.
I fell asleep wishing she was you… I wasn’t paying any attention to the movie, I just was thinking the whole time. I was comfy.
I think I had a dream involving you.
I woke up feeling totally miserable…
Emily wanted to go home so I decided to walk her home. It was 1:45 in the morning.
We had an interesting chat I guess on the walk back. It was really dark and kinda chilly and it was nice. We’re all changing and growing up and I really hate it, I want to go back so much to when I was in Kindergarten, so I could fix all the times I fucked up and proved how much of a failure I am.
I also probably would have declined moving up to Yellow group.
Emily said something… and I agree. I find it so hard to prevent people from controlling my happiness. Why do I let you do this to me? You’re in such a position of power, and you don’t even realize it.
You don’t realize a lot of things and I don’t blame you.
I have to stop this thing, I can’t let you do this to me anymore. How though? How? I can’t do it.
And even if I stop, I’m still going to want and I can’t control my dreams…
I got back at 2:35 or so. I ran the way home cause I passed by all the places I was happy at Lots of good memories and they’re not gonna happen again, so I felt positively miserable. I want to be happy again.
When I’m in a depression I’m really creative and good at drawing and coloring and stuff. When I’m happy, I’m not creative at all and I can’t hold a pencil steady.
You make me happy, you make me sad, you make me overjoyed, you make me feel great, you make me feel depressed and miserable and hopeless and it’s just too tempting to stop. More more more happy leads to more more more upset. I complain too much. But I’m trying to avoid going to sleep and Facebook chat is failing miserably at life.
So much to say and I can’t stomach saying it here or to you. God fucking damn it all.
I don’t know why we’re in a little argument about “he said, she said” but it’s really ridiculous and I hope you know I am sorry for “leading you on” if that’s what you call being nice, but you shouldn’t make an assumption and live by it therefore making me out to the be the evil one. There’s two sides of a story every single time, no matter what, and I think you fail to see my side of the story. Which ties into a whole bunch of other drama which we’re not close enough for you to know about. I tell you I can’t tell you what this side is but it’s real important, but you can’t see that it hurt me emotionally, I guess?
Well, I want to be cool with you again, because this “fight” is ridiculous and is typical of sixth and seventh graders, not sophomores like us.
Day Eleven- A Deceased Person You Wished You Could Talk To
You were so nice. Probably the nicest person I ever knew in my life. You always had something good to say, you were always smiling at family parties, and I enjoyed talking to you, because you were always, again, just so nice and friendly and easy to talk to.
When I heard that you were dying, I didn’t know what to think.
When I learned that you had died, I just kinda felt numb and upset. Real upset.
That night I kinda just broke down from all the stress going on in my life at the time.
I kinda am afraid to go to the next family party, which I think will be Christmas. It’s gonna be so boring and really really emotional. You were just so nice. Thats what stands out to me about you. Your kindness. I want to thank you for always being so.
Day Ten- Someone I Don't Talk To As Much As I Would Like To
Well, we kinda just seemed to drift away from each other over the past few years, and it really makes me kinda upset, because we used to be really close. Now, I feel strange talking to you because every two seconds you ask a question. Really, you’ve asked me more questions in one day than I get asked on all of my tests and quizzes combined in a marking period. And they’re stupid questions. If I can avoid talking to you, I will, and it makes me upset that I do that, not because I don’t enjoy spending time with you, but because you just get annoying after a while. What happened to the times like when I was younger, where we could have conversations about who knows what and enjoy it? I miss those days. I wish we talked more, and it wasn’t just you asking me questions. :/
It’s the first official day of summer for me, and already it’s going positively awful.
Cause I’m back in the rut that I was in 2 months ago.
I went to the beach to think. Like I did 2 months ago. I thought and just talked to myself. Like I did 2 months ago. It was 2 months ago all over again, and that’s not good. 2 months ago was one of the lowest periods of my life. And it’s summer. I just want to be happy. Not miserable and putting on a happy face constantly.
I have so much to say and you’re the last person I want to say it to. I hope you know that. Have fun not worrying about a single thing while I’m sitting here ready to jump off a bridge. Tell me about your day, cause I’m sure you think I’d love to hear all about it.
And this most recent text message just pushed me over the edge. Goodbye.